this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for three months now. I’ve written and rewritten it hundreds of times but could never find the right words that I thought truly conveyed how I felt on our special day. I decided to split this up into three parts in hopes of sorting out my thoughts and feelings coherently. part I (this post), will be kind of like an introduction and a few photos pre-ceremony.
in an earlier post, I had written that it was a sacred day for us both and after much thought, that’s exactly what it was. neither of us believe in a ‘best day ever’ or whatever the term is because it isn’t. this is an excerpt from my vows explaining the concept:
“…and I know that today, our wedding day is supposed to be the best day of our lives and maybe if I cared to compare it to others, it could very well be but I think that everyday with you is the best day. and I know it’s cheesy and almost ridiculous to say that because the word ‘best’ IS best by comparison. we have to compare something to understand what the best really is and in our case, the comparison of days. but comparison is also the death of happiness and the thief of joy and I would never want to jeopardize our happiness and joy nor could I bare to think that life only goes downhill or at the very least coasts along from here. the days where we’re struggling together, crying together, laughing together, mowing the lawn together… they are and will continue to be the best days of our lives….”
so yeah. I can’t say that our wedding day was our best day ever but one that we regard as sacred and will thus be forever etched in our minds.
also in an earlier post, I mentioned an elopement. for a good year or two, we battled with the idea of eloping. we knew if we had a traditional wedding, we would have to invite a couple hundred people but for us marriage and intimacy were synonymous. it came to a point where we wanted nothing more than to elope and every time we talked about it, excitement almost enslaved us. when we talked about where and when, the where discussions took us from the Himalayas all the way to Bali and once even Tanzania while the when discussions were anywhere from a couple of months away to a few days later. A few times, we made appointments at the courthouse but at the last minute always cancelled. In all honesty, I think the reason why we were never able to go through with an elopement was because we knew how hurt our parents would be – getting married without their knowledge. and I know that it’s our day and we can do whatever we want but we owe all that we are to our parents. we are who we are because of them and maybe it’s a cultural thing, I’m not sure but deep down we knew we couldn’t get married without them by our side.
when we finally got engaged and talked about an elopement with our parents, we ended up compromising. we had a guest count cap and only invited immediate family and friends we considered family. my immediate family is probably 20x bigger than andrew’s so I ended up compromising once again in that I had to be very specific about which friends I invited while his list was as long as my family’s. really, it wasn’t even a compromise because his friends have become my family and my family has become his. and looking back, I’m glad we went through with a small ceremony (part II will make that obvious).
all photos by the brilliant leo cabal & all foliage by the creative erika sandino
JOSHUA TREE – the name alone is sacred to us. it was in joshua tree that andrew took me on our first date, it was in joshua tree that he first told me he liked me, it was in joshua tree that he first told me he loved me but ultimately, it was in joshua tree that he got down on one knee and asked if I wanted to share every new ‘first’ in life with him. I am literally gushing as I write this, love is too good.
in the desert that is defined by death, new life was made.
like everything about our wedding, the tableware was also nontraditional as it was made completely of biodegradable, recycled wood.
…will probably end up posting part II in a couple weeks when I have more time so until then, here’s a preview of the second part: andrew waiting for me for our ‘first look’ as I walk out to him. spoiler alert…. hundreds of thousands of tears. I get teary just looking at all of these again. eep.